According to a phone call from Payless Shoestore, I will feel good if I rush out and take advantage of their "bogo buy one, buy another 1/2 off promotion." Is this guaranteed? If I grab my sick toddler, ignore my inflammed sinuses and drive to Payless, buy two pairs of shoes, will they guarantee that I will feel good? No more stuffiness? No more coughing? No more fatigue?
There's probably a catch somewhere... Like a microscopic disclaimer about the relativity of the meaning of good. One man's good can be another's personal hell, after all. As tempting as the promise is, I'm deciding to pass on this promotion.
What's next, the promise of nirvana if you'll just buy something, anything? I understand retailers are desperate and shaky right now, scratching their heads trying to figure out how to get me to part with my money but tossing out the idea of shopping and happiness is so "Booming Economy". Hey if they really want my money forget the vagueness, give me real promises. If you buy a pair of shoes, we'll wash your car or pick some things from the grocery store for you. We can call it the new "Buy Something from Us and We'll do Something for You Economy."
Retailers are going to work a heck of a lot harder to get me to part with my cash then offering me vague promises of warm feelings that will dissipate before I've even left the mall.